Hmmm...

Hmm..Its the end of financial year for me and I am feeling a lot of things as the things have just appraised me for what they have felt for me during last year. Their silent hard feelings have just kept my mind boggling and I am back at my space to feel that I also owe some space in this big world. Yess..its my space, my world,my letters, my sentences and everything but do I have a say in all this??..neah..Again I am convinced with these sweet lullabies that moon is mine..No, this is not my space…strange??.Do you have any space that belong to you only??..neah..not possible…No human being has his own space.i feel that only ghosts have their own space. Yess..They do have…Although grass is always greener on the other side..But I am convinced that ghosts have say in whatever they do…Obviously they will have..after all they are become ghosts to say their say only..

My latest aspiration these days is that I want to become a GHOST..infact a nice wala ghost..i have already thought about lot of things to do as a nice ghost.
Things are there but only priorities need to set…that’s the most important part..
I will do that soon but one thing I am pretty sure of is that I wanna be a GHOST.
So, here I request God ( or the concerned person ) to click the ghost checkbox for me….jaldii.i desperately need this…

Excursion Unleashed....

It was an active (strange??) Saturday morning on 7th April, 2007. I woke up from bed as if I was waiting for the day. In spite of sleeping late on night before, I was quick to raise my head on 7:30 in the morning and instantly the day before promise came to my mind.” Mohan is supposed to call by this time; he must have forgotten”. By that time I was crouching down with my cell searching for Mohan’s name in last dialed entries. “Hey man Mohan, where are you?” Then, suddenly a screeching noise crossed my head.”ohh….Shuckss…Mohan is in bus”. Then, thought of doing my daily morning chores without any dilly-dallying. “Don Theme playing somewhere…ohh…it’s my phone ringing…Mohan is calling”. Mohan intimated that he is at Majestic and will reach at desired pick up place within 45 minutes. (I was supposed to pick up Mohan from Dairy circle and then proceed to BNP while meeting other mates in the way…That was the plan).” Thank God, Mohan called and I still have more than half an hour…Enough time to get ready for a bachelor. I proceeded at comfort pace and left my place at right time to pick Mohan and leave for BNP for the voluntarily planned jaunt by Roche people.
Now, we should meet our fellows
First call to Nitin: Guy is sleeping and saying I will be ready to go within half an hour.
Second call to Parul: Girl is saying”Tum log itni jaldi pahunch gaye”. I guess we were on the agreed time. Anyway I got to know by that time that we have done a mistake by complying with agreed time and need to think something to pass time.
Then some calls exchanged and it was confirmed that we have not followed Indian traditional rituals by coming on time.
Fabmall, my old rented house etc passed our time well and we did not feel like bored. Mood was pretty bright and we left for the BNP.
It was nice to drive bike on empty roads and weather seemed pleasant for the picnic.
It was half an hour drive and we reached BNP, stood in front of main entrance for at least one hour while waiting for big guns ( Menka rocked) to arrive.
Long wait, Auto wala menace, rising crowd, new persons in our group and new faces around made our morning and at last we took tickets for ‘Grand Safari’.
Plan executed well and we entered the main entrance. Our food got transferred to paper bags from plastic/polythene bags as an effort to preserve wild life effectively. I liked the step taken.
No long queues, not many people, guys in full zeal and we entered ‘Grand Safari’. Like good guys, everyone had taken the back seat available and group was sitting together to see ‘Shers’ (lion).
Firstly, safari entered the ‘Deer zone’ and guys were already into belly laugh.
“joke pe joke, comment pe comment” it was like everyone is in full form. Although there were some new guys in group, but everyone was so mixed up like they have known each other from many years. This first round gave me the ‘college trip’ feeling and I was looking forward to great memorable trip.

Our ‘Grand safari’ then entered bear zone though a perfect gate locking system. Those dirty fellows (bears) were an excitement to see. Bears seem pretty frustrated with heat around and ear-tearing clamour happening in our bus. It was not only the bears who were frustrated with spoiled noise-making north Indian guys; it was also our beloved dude yanky uncle who was abusing us within from last 25 minutes. We left ‘bear safari’ to enter ‘Sher Safari’ and then the ‘BEST’ part of trip happened.

Guys were screaming like anything. Everyone was in full joyous mood. Full party mood. Some joke, we laughed so loud and then then then, lava flowing inside uncle at 2000 ‘C reached its threshold level, lava start flowing from Uncle s stomach to lungs to throat to uncle s mouth and then volcano erupted and we heard a real roar from Uncle s heart “HE HE HE….KABSE TUMHARA HE HE SUN RAHA HOON..KAAN PAKK GAYE HAIN”. (Guess that was nature s conspiracy to show us real Shers ‘HUMAN BEINGS’). Uncle screamed with full his effort and we were able to hear that this volcano has really gone through lot of heat. Everyone stopped laughing. Silence prevailed. Sensing that, two chickes with Uncle grab the opportunity and tried to show ‘naari-power’. I interrupted then and situation came to truce. Safari driver did not want to lose the chance to prove his presence and started shouting in kannada and warned us to leave midway with lions if we don’t maintain decorum. ‘Thank God’ many of us did not understand his language and were able to continue with same enthusiasm.
Huh!!...After ‘Real Sher’ it was the turn of jungle kings to entertain us. We went bit deep inside and we were able to see calm, healthy lions. I have been to many Zoos, but never saw such healthy lions. One lion was sitting very close to the pathway and we got to see a real close up. That lion really reminds me of the huge lions pictured in “Kaal’. I still used to see that close up pic of his. On the way, we got many sights of other calm, healthy lions and lionesses doing ‘kitty party’. It was a treat to watch those horrified kings. But somehow it gave me a bitter feeling while seeing those jungle kings so unhappy in artificial forest. Today, they may not be jungle kings but they will always remain ‘Jungle king’ from heart.

Remaining part-----Next time----Stay Tuned

Fears....

Monday, February 19..
Today it was a very lazy morning.i got up at 7:15 and i was the first person to get up today in my flat.Surprising for every thing of my flat as they are not much used to see me getting up first....Strange for me.Then without any dilly dallying and faster morning chores i mad eit to shuttle for office on time.Still feeling lazy..( i swear i took bath properly)..Shuttle was on time and i was quick to get in and lay in seat and started listening to my MP3 player.Today i was not able to enjoy FM though they were playin good numbers..still feeling bit giddiness.....n i was sleepin...did not know when we reached Accenture.Mehta woke me up and i was sittin startled with bleary eyes and sayin to myself " haiiiiiiinnnnn,, office aa bhi gaya....Shuckess......"

i was feeling today is not gonna be a good day for me ( Although nothing bad happened to me whole day). Then i reached my workstation without washing my face. Gadhia was standing there with his lopsided smile..."Soya uth k seedha offfice aa gaya kya"..Hmm.......i need to wash my face....i did it eventually....

Reached cafeteria as my morning perfunctory chore and just glanced at the TV."Ohh my God....i can't beleive this".One more train blast and that too near panipat.Usually i come to delhi through this route......Quickly ruffled my hair and get near to TV to see what actually happened.64 people died( actually this count will be much more) ....Sigh of releif..ohh it s not intercity or bathinda express....Still that fear remained inside........What ar ethese guys up to..Terrorism will eat India yar...Condition is constantly going out of control...Acc to some prophet, Terrorism is gonna be a much bigger problem for india and this i snot unbeleivable.Recent encroachments to mysore,bangalore,Delhi etc are not ignorable.Although i can do nothing regarding this..Usually dont think much about this..But somehow, some fear always arise in my heart when i hear of any successful/unsuccessful terrorist attack..May God bless India with more wonderful people and terrorists/jehadis with some sense of humanity...

As i am sharing my on the spot rising fears, would like to mention this pathetic thing also.Everyone knows about sucking traffic in bangy.Whenever i stuck at any big traffic jam or long standing red light, i just turn my face all sides to look other people."Ohh my God... So many people and all in hurry".That moment one thought always comes to my mind that one day vehicles will be too much in bang and all will be on road and everyone will be in a traffic jam and That will be a DEADLOCK for bang.No 1 will b able to move.Everyone will wait for next person to move and no 1 will be able to move.Then Govt will take some action to unscrew deadlock and all vehicle riders hav to spend there night on Road only.Hahaha.i know its a weird thought but beleive me this is very much possible.

many more are there.Dont know i should write those here or not.Right now, m feeling i should not...Some time in future......definitely........

GURU.....

Gurukant Desai...small child with big dreamy eyes and even bigger dreams and biggest courage to achieve those dreams..Huh!!...
Gurukant Desai... a shrewd man with tons of confidence,reckless risk taker,millionaire,brave and very very focussed businessman..... still dreaming...Huh!!...
Gurukant Desai...a successful businessman with grey hairs,big belly,courage to stick to values,courage to fight with press and super confidence.......he s still dreaming........

Is n't that impressive,inspiring,motivating and exhilarating???

I watched Guru (Mani Ratnam Classic) day before yesterday.Although it does n't look that much practical but i strongly beleive that this is very much feasible if a man is focussed and determined.

What it takes to be a "GURU"

• In Istanbul, Guru got a thrice rise in his salary and got promoted to sales representative in very short time as compared to his peers.He could have lived there earning tons of moolah and more n more accolades with full job security.But he took the courage to leave that job and dreamt of starting his own business.This is called self-beleif.i found this decision very impressive.
• Then guru married aish (i dont rem her movie name) just for dowry.That was the only thing he was thinking of while making most crucial decision in life.May be he had other things crucial for him. Although personally i did nt find decision quite good ethically.He was adamant on following any route to his success.He did nt give even a single thought.So, first thing to follow any dream is to gather resources.
• Courage: He completely ruffled contractor's feathers.Agar ghee seedhi ungli se na aaye, tedhi karni hi padti hai.He was bit lucky to get Manik Das Gupta( Mithun da).But if you want to help yourself God will definitely give you a supporting hand.Guru was helping himself standing in front of contractor s residence.
• He was so fast in progressing that he forgot respecting his partner s words.i disliked this at personal level.I did not write word 'hate' because when you are progressing so fast, these things are bound to happen.
• He boldly fought with press and it was rightly shown that PRESS is the mighty force.Mithun da looked like a actor after much time.
• In the end when he was completely dejected,physically handicapped, he took the fight in his stride and fought it well.Although his tax exemption(right word?) policies gave some resentful feelings but his comments in the end bared goverenment dogmas....need to look at such loopholes in indian policies today.

GURU was a person lessons to be learnt from,not to follow.One should not follow his footprints but must strive to acquire those million dollar qualities.

Confused...

These days i am feeling like i am the most confused person on this earth.Suddenly i am realizing that i have grown to a level where i have to make critical decisions that will affect my rest of life.Have i really grown enough??...m confused....Everyone around me is doing something or atleast planning or striving for something. i also planned for CAT, but that proved to be a disaster.May be my careless and always not enough motivated nature lead to that.Suddenly many things are coming to mind.Lot of things need to be done and sometimes that poor feeling that i am not capable enough. Am i really not capable enough???....m confused...
1.I want to study furthur......anything.....
2.I want to live near home but not at home.....NCR region...
3.I want at least one abroad trip.......UK or US.....
4.I want to book a living place for future....but where??..Can i manage it????
5.I dont want to marry for enough time....atleast not for 5-6 years more...any1 listenin to me??
6.I wanna have my own car..........Swift as my first car will do..
7.I will buy a laptop soon..........lenovo most probably....
8.I like technical side or managerial side..honestly i dont know....
9. I want a bigger playground to play everything......may b more resposibility at work...
10.I wanna play cricket regularly......once a week..

and many many more things.some big plans.i dont want to pen down those plans as sometimes they look stupid even to me.
Now the biggest challege is to prioritize all these wantings...i tried but could not get enough of it.Am i again confused in wat i want??

In my life i have realized so far that i am the biggest planner ( jaini u there??) and never carry or carried enough energy and motivation to execute my plans.

I need to do something with my energy level and thinking. But i know i work best when some emergency is there,When someone is there to poke me every now and then. i remember doing that whole syllabus of 6 months in 1 day during exams ...( No wonder.everyone did that.but i used to be( not always) the one of those privileged mechanichis who used to look at their syllabus first time only at exams....).still i managed to pass all exams and that too with dignity.( i feel so...)

Bunk the past.....i need to plan about my future and also carry enough motivation and energy to achieve my plans (...this is the most essential part..).... But what to do?.i dont know.again m confused. I AM THE BIGGEST PLANNER

Still i dont rem what i wrote above.i am totally CONFUSED now........i think spirituality is the key.... what to follow??........again confused........

I think i am discovering myself now more than anytime else.

Hope i will do something productive now.Amen.......